What? Um, okay
by goldpiece
Summary: Brennan logics her way into a relationship and leaves Booth just a little confused.
1. Chapter 1: Telling Booth

_AN: This is going to be an interesting ride. It's just a three shot and is possibly a little OOC, but oh so much fun. Hope you enjoy, and remember, this is just a bit of ridiculous fluff and meant only to make you laugh._

"What?" He looked over at her as they drove back to the Jeffersonian. She glanced back at him before repeating herself.

"Are we dating?"

"Where did this come from?" How in the world was he supposed to drive when she threw random things at him like that? And why in the world would she ask that?

"While we were waiting for our appointment with Sweets, I looked at a questionnaire in this magazine called 'Cosmopolitan'. After answering all of the questions, it said that we should be dating." She looked at him calmly as he glanced over at her in utter confusion.

"What?" Brennan turned in her seat to better face him as he drove.

"Well think about it Booth." She held up her hand and began to tick off her fingers. "First of all, we go out to eat at least four times a week."

"What are you talking about?" Confusion was beginning to be a normal state of mind around her.

"I've cooked for you before, which I am told is a very intimate thing." She ticked off another finger. Booth glanced at her again, finding it a lot harder to keep his eyes on the road.

"Where are you going with this?"

You have clothes at my place and some of mine are at yours. We have keys to each other's places, which according to Angela is step three." Booth turned off the main road and onto the long drive up to the parking garage for the Jeffersonian.

"Angela has rules? Rules for what?" Brennan flashed her identification card to the security guard on duty as Booth drove into the parking structure and pulled into a spot.

"And we've been on vacation together…" She bit her lip, thinking about the statement. "Although maybe New Orleans doesn't count because I was a suspect for murder." She scrunched up her face as she thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. "No, I don't think that counts."

"What?" Booth was lost in the conversation as Brennan continued. He hated when Hurricane Temperance rolled in because he could never quite keep up with her stream of logic.

"Your son likes me, and my family likes you… Why haven't I ever met your family? Are you ashamed of me?"

"Ashamed of you? Wait, what?"

"Why else wouldn't I have met your family? I mean everything else in our lives point to the fact that we're a couple, except we haven't had sex yet." She turned her gaze on him again, waiting for a response. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again quickly. "Well, what are you looking for in a relationship that we don't already have?"

"Wow, geez Bones… I mean I always figured I'd meet someone who shared my dream of getting married and having kids. I want whoever I'm with to really understand what my job entails and is okay with the danger that can come with it."

"Okay."

"So yeah, that's what I want."

"And I'm agreeing to the terms you've laid down."

"What terms?" He looked at her again at a loss as to where she was going with the conversation.

"Marriage, kids, understanding the rigors of your position. You've stated that's what you want in a partner and the terms are acceptable to me." Booth looked at her again, his eyebrows knit together.

"So you're saying…what are you saying?" Brennan sighed and rubbed the headache that was beginning to form at her temples. Did she have to explain everything?

"I'm saying that since we're dating according to that survey, then we should take the next logical step in our relationship."

"And that's marriage?"

"According to your beliefs, yes."

"Oh, okay. Wow, that felt like a contract negotiation. Are we really engaged?"

"How would you have done it?"

"What?"

"Arranged an engagement."

"I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it. I suppose I'd want to go all out and do the fancy dinner, get down on one knee, that sort of thing."

"Then why don't you set that up and you can re-ask me."

"I didn't ask you the first time."

"Well see, now you'll get your chance."

"It doesn't work that way, Bones." Brennan slid her mother's ring off of her hand and gave it to Booth.

"My ring shouldn't be any larger than that because I'll need to be able to fit it under my latex gloves. Maybe you should get something pavee." Booth glanced down at the ring in his hand. How had it gotten there exactly? Oh that's right he was engaged to his partner. Were they really engaged? When he looked up, she was standing next to the driver's side door with an expectant look on her face. "Well, are you coming?"

"What?"


	2. Chapter 2: Telling the coworkers

_AN: Okay, here's part two. You all blew me away with your response to the first chapter, and I can only hope that this lives up to it. So, onward with the continuibg saga of a confused Booth. _

"Booth and I are getting married." Angela looked up at Temperance from her perch on the anthropologist's couch as said anthropologist strode into the office.

"What?"

"We're getting married, and we're going to have five thousand babies."

"Umm, okay." The artist turned back to her magazine, and Temperance sat down behind her desk. She flipped on the computer to check her e-mails as Booth walked in the office. He looked from the ring to Temperance and back again.

"Bones, are we really…"

"Engaged? Yes. We went over this in the car. It's not like the first time we've been engaged Booth."

"What?" He looked up in confusion.

"We were in Las Vegas, remember?" Angela looked back up from her magazine.

"Wait, what happened in Vegas?"

"Bones, we were engaged to be engaged there."

"See, so we have been dating since then. If we were engaged to be engaged then, I suspect we've waited long enough to get to this next step."

"Wasn't Booth with Cam back then?" Brennan looked up as if considering the statement and shook her head.

"She's right Booth, you were with Cam back then. I suppose that means you were cheating on her."

"What?" Booth looked utterly lost. They were…there was something wrong with this logic, but at the moment, he was too confused to find the flaw.

"I'm amazed that you'd do that after all the speeches you gave me about never cheating on someone." Temperance shook her head and picked up a file for Booth. "Here's the file on the O'Connor case. Everything's signed and in order." Seeley took the file as he mentally went over the conversation in his head.

"We weren't together back then…"

"You were the one that wanted us to be married, if you'll remember, but now we will be."

"Whatever you say Bones." Booth turned to leave the office, but stopped as Angela spoke up once more.

"Two month's salary Booth."

"What?"

"For the ring. You're expected to spend at least two month's salary on the ring. Oh, sweetie, am I the maid of honor?"

"Of course you are." Brennan smiled at Angela, and then looked back up at Booth as he once again tried to leave the office. "Oh Booth, why don't I come by this evening so we can have sex."

"What?" He spluttered and turned around. Angela looked between the pair of them with one eyebrow raised.

"You're engaged and you still haven't had sex?"

"Yes," Brennan answered as she looked over her e-mails and began to respond to one.

"Oh, okay." Booth looked at Angela, waiting for the comment that was sure to come, but it never did. Cautiously, he stepped out of the office, sure that once he was away from Temperance this whole thing would turn out to be some odd hallucination.

"Booth?" He stopped in his tracks once again.

"Yeah?" He really didn't want to know what she was about to ask him.

"Is seven o'clock okay?"

"For what?"

"For sex. Honestly Booth, haven't you been paying any attention at all today?" She shook her head at him, tutting at his lack of focus.

"Umm, okay." He closed his eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. Okay, when I open my eyes, I'll still be in the SUV driving with Bones back to the Jeffersonian and this will all have proved to be a huge hallucination. Booth squinted one eye open and let out the breath he was holding. Damn, okay so this is real, isn't it?

Finally able to make it out of the office, he walked in a haze back to the SUV. He didn't remember getting in, nor did he remember driving to the Hoover Building, but somehow he got there and into his office safely. Once he sat down at his desk, he pulled Brennan's grandmother's ring from his pocket to look at it.

"Am I really engaged to Bones?" He turned the ring in his hand.

"What?" Booth jumped and looked up at his boss, Cullen.

"I'm engaged to Bones, at least I think I am." Cullen contemplated the statement for a moment before turning his attention back to Booth.

"Umm, okay."

"Okay? That's it?"

"Yeah. Do you have that file on the O'Connor case?" Booth handed the file to his boss, completely at a loss. This was the most he hadn't talked in one day…it had to be. "Oh and Booth?"

"Yes sir?"

"You should probably take her somewhere tropical like Bali. I'll bet she'd like that." Cullen gave a nod to Booth and left the office. The special agent just stared at the doorway, left to respond to air.

"Umm, okay."


	3. Chapter 3: Telling Brennan

_AN: Okay guys, the third and final chapter was supposed to be Booth and Brennan announcing their engagement to the parents, but due to the overwhelming want y'all have for smut, I've decided to keep their seven o'clock appointment. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it._

Booth sat on his couch and loosened his neck tie. He was attempting to wrap his mind around the days events which was proving to be quite difficult. Okay Seeley, you can do this. You can think this whole thing through. He ran a hand through his hair and reached into his pocket to finger the ring inside. Okay, so we were on our way back from a counseling session and we were talking... no she was talking. And then she said that we were engaged... He shook his head and looked at the clock. Six fifty. He was expecting his partner in ten minutes because she said they were engaged and needed to have sex. There was something definitely wrong with the entire scenario. Was it some giant joke set up by Brennan and Angela? The artist did seem suspiciously calm about the news...

At the knock on his front door Booth blew out a breath. Well, it was now or never to find out what was going on. He strode to the door and pulled it open intending to cut off Brennan and whatever argument she had this time. She however just strode past him into the living room and looked at him, waiting for him to close the door. He had to chuckle at that.

"You're early," he said, rather disarmed by her odd behavior. As he swung the door closed, she dropped the trench to the ground. Booth's jaw dropped. There stood his partner in a blue and black lace corset, matching panties, a garter belt, thigh highs and black stiletto heels.

"Is that a problem?" _Do bomp bomp chicka chicka._

"Not at all Bones, not at all." Well, this could prove to be interesting. He smirked as he looked her over. "Seems like someone came prepared."

"Well, we did set up an appointment."

"No, you did." Booth began to circle her, eying her up and down, enjoying the way the lace corset clung to her frame. "You talked your way into an engagement and sex, but are you really sure you know what you're doing?" He stepped up behind her, but before he could touch her, she stepped just off to the side. Was she looking slightly unsure of herself?

"If you don't think you're up for this..."

"Oh, I'm up for it, I just don't think you've thought it through all the way." He stepped toward her again, but she stepped away from him again. Well, where should he take this? A list of fantasies scrolled through his head as he took another step forward. She again evaded his touch. "You're not scared of me, are you?"

"Of course not. Why would I be scared of you?" Booth let his eyes wander over the room for a moment...where to take this? The table? That fantasy was a personal favorite, but no, it just wasn't right for the moment. Should he go with the standard and take her to his room? No, not when she's wearing 'fuck me' heels. That really left one main fantasy. His smirk widened as he stepped toward her again. This time he made sure to guide her toward the wall.

"You were confident when the ball was in your court, but now, you don't seem quite so...sure of yourself. Why is that Bones?"

"I'm quite sure of myself Booth, you should know that. I just think this might be more fun if I were to play hard to get."

"Well, you've backed yourself into a corner with that one babe." At that, Temperance felt her back hit the wall. She gulped at the predatory gleam in his eyes.

"Don't call me babe." Booth took one more step forward, his chest touching hers and made no move to further the contact. He could see her intake of breath as they caught each other's eyes and held the gaze.

"I'll call my fiance what I want, honey-bear."

"Okay, don't you ever call me that again." Booth placed his hands on either side of her head against the wall and leaned in until their lips were a breath apart.

"You know Bones, I don't think I was quite realizing what an absolutely wonderful idea this marriage thing is going to be." He brushed his lips across hers as he picked her up, wrapping her long legs around his waist. Brennan attempted to deepen the kiss, making a noise of disappointment when he pulled away from her.

"Oh, and why is that?" Booth carried her into the kitchen and set her down on the counter, pulling himself from the vice grip her legs held on him. He moved to the freezer and pulled out an ice cube. With a smirk, he ran the ice across her chest, eliciting a gasp from the anthropologist. He let his lips follow the trail of the ice, the tip of his tongue warming her skin after the initial shock of cold.

"Just think of all the lunches you can pack for me to take to work. I just know that you'll want to make sure I'm comfortable after all."

"What?" Brennan tried to wrap her mind around the words, but at the moment, the sensations were a bit overwhelming. Booth passed the ice cubes along the edge of the corset, raising a small trail of goosebumps on her skin and bringing her nipples to a tight point even though he'd yet to touch them.

"And don't forget the holidays we'll share with family when they come to visit... We'll have to do the cooking, and cleaning, and making sure all of our guests are comfortable." Booth returned his lips to hers, sucking lightly on her bottom lip. Brennan growled low in the back of her throat as he nipped hard then soothed over with his tongue. He picked her up again, their mouths fused as he wound his way to the guest bedroom. As they stumbled into the room, Brennan's back hit the wall and she let in a sharp breath.

"Careful," she murmured. Booth let his hands slide down onto her ass and he squeezed. Her hips jumped and pressed firmly into his. She could feel him against her and ground into him. He groaned before they dropped onto the bed.

"We'll have to make up this room a little better. My parents are coming to visit. I think you'll find my mother interesting. She has very definite views on a wife's role in the home." His hands slid down onto her thighs as he unclipped the stockings and rolled them down off of her legs.

"What? What views?" She really couldn't think when he was nipping at the back of her knee that way.

"Oh, you know, how a wife needs to ensure her husband's comfort, make sure the kids are clean and quiet when the husband gets home..." He slid his index finger along the edge of her panties, dipping it just under the waistband.

"What?" As much as she wanted to protest what he was saying, her thoughts were muddled by the sensations coursing through her as he flicked his fingers over her clit. Lordy the man was good at what he did.

"And speaking of kids, don't forget about the large family we're going to have. You'll get to take off all that time to take care of them." He slid her panties from her body and moved her legs to either side of him as he nestled between her thighs. "We'll have PTA meetings to go to, and baseball games, maybe some dance classes... you'll be an honest to goodness soccer mom, Bones." The indignant words that were rising in her throat turned into a loud keening sound as he licked long and slow, dipping his tongue into her before circling her clit with it. Her hips rose off of the bed, meeting his mouth as he continued to work magic on her body.

"What?" Did he say something about being a soccer mom? She started to open her eyes, which had closed at some point, but Booth's mouth on her was driving her ability to think out the window.

"And don't forget, we have to make all those little adjustments," he said as he dipped his fingers into her, pumping them inside her as he rubber her clit with the pad of his thumb. "I'm sure we'll have fights over the fact that I leave the toilet seat up, and because I squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle, but we'll adjust. It's all part of the fun of marriage."

"Booth..." She couldn't continue as the tightly coiled sensations burst, sending her into waves of pleasure. As she came down, panting, Booth looked up at her and grinned.

"You know, I really do think this marriage thing is going to work out after all."

"Do you um..." She looked up at him with glassy eyes. Was he really still fully dressed? Yes, he was.

"Yes Bones?"

"Do you think we can forget the marriage thing and maybe be in it for the sex?" Booth laughed and settled down next to her.

"Um, okay."


End file.
